Mental Banter

 Gollllllyyyy. Every time I go to write on this blog I just think about how crazy it feels. Does anyone even do this anymore? For fun and not for business? I remember how eager I used to be to blog for business (and I do nowadays- dreams do come true lol) but I really miss the heart of these old style "life" blogs. All the people I used to follow don't blog anymore, and are even burned out on social media. But those old blogging days, they were so great!

Anyway, just had to get that out. On a random whim I pulled up this old blog and started reading and wow, it's just crazy how life changes. I guess that's why I want to come back and write, however infrequently it might be- because looking back and reading what I've written over the years is like reading an old diary, but a little more polished (since you never know who is going to read it). It's like I remember the phases of "me" that I used to be, and I like that.

It's currently mid-August 2025. And I'm not going to lie, this has been a weird ass year. And a hard summer. I had all these thoughts about what turning 40 would feel like, and well as it turns out I'm still me and life isn't much different haha. I guess grand life plans happen gradually over time as you put in the work and do all the little changes day by day. 

But this year I've learned that I'm not as impervious to some things as I once thought I was. I don't know if it's my hormones changing or my lesser tolerance for *bullsh*t* but my capacity to hold everything together seems to be wearing thin. Again it's mid-August so the kids have been home all summer, Zach returned from military school in June (ohh that's a fun story), we now have two hormonal teenage boys in the house (who said teenage girls are harder than teenage boys? oh yea every random person who saw me struggling in public with a gaggle of young boys- yea they were WRONG) and things have just been a little (LOT) crazier than normal. So it could be that. Or it could be the building up and boiling over point of years of unresolved trauma from my childhood and first marriage that I never worked out in counseling. lololol yea it's probably that. 

I do mean it though. Why does that happen? Like, I was fine-ish at the time, and now all these years later it's a problem? Kind of like how, when I had my fourth and last child at 33, I thought I escaped the dreaded pee-when-you-sneeze problem that so many women struggle with after kids. Nope! As it turns out, it can come out of nowhere seven years later! So I think trauma can work kind of like that- you think you're in the clear and one day you get in a fight with your husband and pee your pants. Wait, that's not right. I mean you end up with an emotional breakdown. Over one fight that really wasn't a big deal and shouldn't have even become a fight in the first place. What in the actual heck, trauma? 

But you know, life is good. My marriage is wonderful. But I struggle with things, apparently. I've been through a lot. I've held in a lot, carried a lot, kept quiet about a lot, while watching some people (ahem, SOME people) be loud and out there and even in a backwards way misrepresent a part of me- sometimes I just want to shout from the rooftops, "That's not the story! THIS is the story! THIS is reality! THIS is what I've been through! THIS is how *this person* is and it's NOT what you think!". And then of course there's certain people who should have cared but didn't, and are probably carrying a false narrative based off not really knowing anything real from my lips, so just sitting in that has worn me down a bit over the years. It's the injustice of it all that life just never promises will ever be resolved, and I have to learn to be ok with that. Not because it's unfair, but actually, because it is unfair and that's just how life is sometimes. Unfair. Jesus knew that all too well. And if he can bear it to the degree that he did, surely I can bear this minuscule amount. 

I know that last paragraph probably made zero sense to anyone but me (and future me) and that's ok. That's how I meant it to be. I have a lot to work through, and I need God's help DAILY and therapy. I want to make sure when I look back on my life I can be proud of how I behaved, and hopefully with God's grace I will be humble and not prideful. That's the big fight of my life, I think. I've gotta beat down pride every single day to keep me from saying what I really want to say, from acting in my flesh (there's some Christian-ese for ya), and to represent God well and be a good example to my kids. 

That's all for now. Until next time, trusty blog!

Lindsay

On Turning 40

 After just typing that title, for the first time that actually sounds old. Haha

I have zero complexes about turning forty. I'm here for it and grateful for it- what a blessing and privilege  to get older! 

I was so young when I started this blog. 25 actually. It seems like a lifetime ago. Writing here reminds me of those first several blogging years, and what life was like then and I don't think it will ever not feel sad to some degree when I think about it. 

But that's not what I came here to write about. I came here to write, in my typical fashion, some lessons on what I've learned in my forty years of being alive. It is by no means comprehensive, but just what moves me today. It's Halloween and my last week in my thirties, and I just want to take a few minutes to document what I feel are the most important things I've learned in my (still young) life.

I've learned that life is seriously short. To think I'm heading into my second half of life is crazy- wasn't I a young mom just a few years ago? Now I find myself horrified at the fact that in ten years all my kids will be grown and the rest of my life will be just my husband and I. I'm learning to cherish this time more and more while the kids are still in our home.

I've learned that what God thinks about me is so much more important than what others think of me. I really dulled my shine for a lot of years because of fear of how others would judge me. How silly! God created me just as I am, and as long as I'm in line with HIS plans for my life, I shouldn't care what others think.

I've learned that life is hard. Like, really hard. Be careful to judge people who make decisions you think you would never make, or have a life circumstance you think you'd never have. If you're in a good place with good people, it's by the grace of God.

I've learned that pride is not only ugly, but very sneaky. My twenties was a building up of my pride, my thirties were the acknowledgement of my pride, and I believe my forties are going to be the breaking down of my pride. When we're young and we get hurt, sometimes pride develops along with the healing process. Recognizing it was there only happened through some heart-wrenching experiences, and now that I'm aware of it I'm shocked sometimes when the Lord convicts me of even more hidden pride. I know now, and my sweet husband always reminds me of this, we are good only by the grace of God. 

Taking care of yourself is not just something you should do, it' imperative. You need to take care of yourself. It's crazy how your body and health changes in your thirties, and I know it only continues to do so the older you get. You need to eat well, you need to exercise, you need to mind your stress, and you need to sleep well. I'm no longer just thinking about being the best mom, wife and person I can be, but I'm also thinking about the kind of grandparent I want to be someday- and hopefully instead of choosing my care facility they'll be asking if they can drop the grandkids off for the weekend. 

Life is not fair. It's just not, and it was never meant to be. Chasing justice in your life will only cause heartache. You can't control other people, and sometimes you'll feel judged, misunderstood, and mistreated. That's ok- Jesus was all of those things, too. I'm so glad to have him as an example. It was so freeing to me to have the realization, after a particularly long and upsetting day trying to defend myself to someone who was determined to misunderstand me, that if God sees me and knows my heart and loves me, and not only that but DIED for me because I needed that saving grace, why on earth am I spending a minute of my life trying to prove to someone else how good I am? Again- I'm only good by God's grace! 

Well, that's it for now. Maybe I'll write a part two if the mood strikes. Signing off with this- I'm so grateful for each and every day God has blessed me with. Grateful, grateful, grateful. Grateful for my wrinkles, for turning forty, for the aches and pains, grateful for a God that makes beauty from ashes, thankful for redemption, for new beginnings, and that joy comes in the morning. His promises stand. <3

Lindsay 

What's The Deal With October 17th, anyway?

 Well, it’s quite simply THEE most exquisite day of the year and I’ll tell you why.

Where I live in Michigan, we experience all the seasons. Winter is cold, summer is hot, and spring and fall are that weird transitional season where you need to keep both your summer and winter clothes ready to go at all times because you never know from day to day what the weather will do. October falls into that category- you get hot, you get snow, and everything in between.

But there’s something special, nay, magical about the beginning of the third week. The summer heat has lost its edge but it’s still holding on enough to be comfortable. The leaves are more colorful this week than any other time of the year- they are simply stunning in their vivid orange, yellow and red glory. And on this special week the sky always does one particular thing without fail, which is to hover dark gray and threatening on one side while contrasting itself with bright sunshine on the other, an enchanting backdrop to the beauty of the changing leaves.

It leaves me speechless.

Throughout my blogging years, I began to notice a trend of posting about the beauty of fall on (or very close to) October 17th. So I decided, with years of proof on my virtual pages, that October 17th is a special day when you can count on Michigan fall being at its best.

The Eternal Optimist

 Wow. 

I have to say, I can't believe I'm sitting here in 2023 writing on my old blogger blog that I started in May of 2011. I know the first post will say August of 2011, but that's because of an unfortunate deletion and recreation. May of 2011. Zach had just turned two. I was nearly engaged to Dave. 

Wow.

This blog chronicles our dating, early marriage, more seasoned marriage. Lots of growth. Lots of children. Pregnancies, thoughts on life, business ventures, friendships, faith, family and more. What is doesn't chronicle is our hardships. Our secret heartbreaks. Our many deep trials (that to be very honest I didn't realize the depth or seriousness of at the time). Our divorce. 

How I would love that the story of my life could have been a sailing into the sunset. That my blog posts could have been a never-ending blubbering of our beautiful life together. That I could live, laugh, and love my way through the years to come. 

It's funny to think of my mental and emotional state at the beginning of this blog. A fairly new christian, fairly unseasoned in life, and carrying with me a weight that I hadn't started out my twenties as a "good Christian girl". That I came with baggage. Man, I can't tell you how light that baggage seems in hindsight, compared with what I carry now, and how even this, what I carry today, seems oddly light now that I've strengthened enough to bear the weight. 

I'm not going to lie, the nostalgia feels crippling at times, especially when I go back and read my old posts through the years. I can admit that I miss those days, at times. I lost that family. And even though I believe that the new family I have now is better, it doesn't remove that sadness of what was lost. I will always carry that to some degree, and that's ok. Sometimes I feel the weight of it more than others. But one thing's for sure, I'm SO GLAD I took the time to write throughout the years because there is so much that is NOT lost because of that. I will remember things that I never would otherwise, and I'm so very grateful. 

One thing I never talked about on this blog (because hello, it's private stuff!!) is that Dave had always struggled with same-sex attraction. I'm not going to go into details because it's not my place to air details about him. But in December of 2020, he came to terms with wearing it as an identity (instead of looking at it as a problem to be fixed) and we separated in 2021, and divorced in 2022. My writings during this time took place by hand in a physical journal, because those raw and real thoughts need privacy, not to be splayed all over an internet blog. 

But I can tell you a little bit about my personal experience of that time. A little bit. 

Dave came out as gay, and we decided to end our marriage. In between and around those two things were months and months of deeply sad, awful, horrible happenings. Fighting like we had never done before. Misunderstanding each other like I never thought would be possible. Reaching the point of no return and realizing that we could never go back after that. Driving alone one night, I pulled the car over and literally saw our marriage flash before my eyes- our wedding, our babies, our homes, our memories- and I knew then that it was over. Literally in that moment, I came to terms with it, and I cried like I've never cried before in my life. And I knew that the only way forward, the only way toward peace, and out of the hell we'd been living in for months, was to let go. So I did. And the fighting stopped. And the fog lifted. The sadness settled into my bones, and over time has become lighter. I know I will always show signs of it though, like an invisible scar on my heart. 

That was 22 months ago and at times it still seems surreal that it all happened. But you know me, the eternal optimist! I decided back in 2018, at the beginning of Dave and I's deep struggles together, that I was going to be happy no matter what happened. I would be happy if we divorced, and if we stayed together. I was determined to live happily, to be a happy person with a good life. I was determined that even in the thick of the worst of times, I would carry joy at knowing it was temporary, that I'd come out happy on the other side. 

And I did.

I'm now, two years later, remarried to a wonderful, godly man named Brendon. Can you believe that?! And I have two wonderful step-kids, Claire and Nolan. 

Our blended family right now looks like this: Claire, 15. Zach, 14. Nolan, 12. Julian, 9. Gabriel, 7. Isaiah, 5. 

Six kids, growing fast, and we're trying to soak it all in. We're adjusting. It's beautiful, and good. 

I'll tell you more about Brendon in another post. It's a fun story. :) For now I'm leaving this here to let it steep. 

Love, 

Lindsay

That House And Those Days

 Six years ago I wrote this blog post when I was feeling a little nostalgic. I was writing about how much I loved fall and how I drove Julian by our old house to see the tree in our old yard in all it's fall glory. Then I mentioned how much I missed that house and those days.

And you know what's so super weird?

I look back now at that six-year-ago me, pregnant with my third child, living in Alto, with a very different life than the one I have now, and I think WOW. I sure miss that house and those days.

I wonder if that's what life is, if you make your life good. A constant looking back fondly and nostalgically at different seasons from the past. 

When I'm just living my daily life, I take in all the minutiae that creates a day, the good and the bad. It doesn't always seem "special" (even though I know every moment we're alive and breathing is special- that's another thought for another day). It doesn't always seem that great, or even good. Sometimes life is downright hard and frustrating. Often I'm impatient for what's to come. 

But a trend I'm really noticing is that in hindsight, seasons have a way of polishing away all the minutiae, especially the hard and frustrating stuff, and only reflecting back what was good. I've noticed this happens in relationships too- when they're over, much of the sadness comes from remembering all the great things and somehow forgetting, for the most part, the hard parts. 

What a blessing. 

If you're wise enough to hold a knowing that there was hard and messy and boring mixed in with the wonderfulness of the memories, then you can bask in the nostalgia and missing of the good. 

I want to make my life so good that if I'm blessed with old age, I'll look back at an entire life of "the good old days". 

Lindsay

Untitled August

 *sigh*

.......

It's been a year. At this point I'm not sure who reads this blog, if anyone, because over the years I've changed blog names so much that I'm sure I've lost most of my readers along the way. And that's alright. But just in case, I want to make sure that every word on this page is something I'd be okay with anyone/everyone I know reading it. So there's that.

Writing blog posts has been a great joy of my life over the years, even though I haven't done it nearly as frequently as I would have liked. But it reminds me of a simpler time. A mentally slower time. A hopeful time. It's a nostalgic activity and I suppose that's why I'm here tonight. I'm thinking and reflecting on the last decade of my life and how everything has changed- how I have changed.

I read back on all my old blog posts and they're the stories of the building of my life. All the little details, all those days, all those thoughts, all that effort. The joy. The amazement. The growth. 

Things have changed, a lot. I'm different after this year, and even though I'm still me and I'll always be me, I'll never be the person who wrote those old nostalgic blog posts ever again. In some ways that's good, and in many ways it's very sad. I'm going through a lot right now and rethinking everything. Big, turbulent life seasons have a way of doing that, of ushering you into a sort of reinventing of yourself. This isn't the first time I've experienced this in life, and I suppose that's a blessing. I have experience but this time around I also have grounding, I have more wisdom, I have really great friends, I have my little family, and most importantly, I have God.

Yes, God. The One who is in control, who knows all and IS all. The One who is writing my story as we speak. The One who holds the world and each of us in His hands. The One who works all things for good. The One who can be trusted. The One who loves. The One who will never leave or forsake me. The One who is always with me, who is near when I'm brokenhearted. 

Yes, God. Thank god. 

Lindsay

Weeding

 This spring I'm learning how to garden for the first time.

I feel like that's a little lame considering I'm 36 years old and have been a homeowner for nearly a decade. Alas, here I am. Learning how to garden.

Last summer the deer ate most of our hostas, we trimmed our hydrangeas the wrong way resulting in them growing unevenly and not very big, and our decorative grasses needed thinning so bad that they looked like threatening octopuses that would grab you by the ankle and swallow you up as you walked by.

I decided that this is the year when I plant some pretty flowers and actually learn how to maintain the beautiful landscaping we inherited when we bought our house. Last week I walked around the periphery of our house and immediately felt overwhelmed... there were weeds everywhere.

When I say everywhere, I mean they were literally overtaking our landscaping. I chose a spot to start, put on some gardening gloves and started pulling out the weeds. It was a LOT of work. Some areas were so overtaken and the weeds rooted so deep that I had to dig them out with a shovel. (Is this normal? I have no idea.)

Some of our decorative plants were so overtaken with weeds that I had to spend nearly 30 minutes separating the leaves and pulling the weeds out from the middle, trying not to uproot the wanted plant in the process. At times I thought it a futile task.

At one point I rounded the corner of our house and immediately my heart sank when I saw that one of our plants was so overtaken with weeds that it wasn't salvageable. It literally needs to be dug up and replaced. Sad!

This whole process has been a learning experience for me. You see, last summer we didn't have these problems. Deer and trimming mishaps, yes, but not weed issues. It was our first summer in this house and everything grew in beautifully. I thought that it was just normal for it to do that. This spring I learned otherwise. So after a few days of painstakingly pulling weeds, I walked sore-handed into Target to buy some gardening tools; a small handheld shovel, rake and pruning shears.

While at the checkout the lady ringing me up commented on my tools and asked if I'm doing some gardening. I told her I was, and that I was surprised by how bad my weeds were this year. She told me that this year her garden has never been so beautiful and low maintenance. Noticing my look of surprise, she said, "Well last summer during lockdown I spent a lot of my extra time in the garden pulling weeds. How your garden looks on any given summer is a reflection of the care you took maintaining and caring for it the previous summer."

That makes sense, doesn't it? Maybe you seasoned gardening folk are thinking ummmmm, duh? ;) So this year I'm not only trying to make the garden look good for this summer, I want to set it up to look great next year too. And because of last year's neglect, I've got double the work ahead of me.

I've started to think about how gardening is a lot like marriage.

It takes intentional tending. It takes proactivity and planning for the future if you want it to look good. You need to pull out the weeds as they come in, because if you leave them alone and pretend they're not there, they'll grow and multiply and overtake the beauty. And if it gets bad enough, you might even have to dig up something that used to be beautiful and replace it. 

Lack of maintenance will result in the need for critical care. 

All in all, you'll have to work a whole lot harder to get your garden looking good again. It will feel overwhelming, take a lot of time, and leave you sore for days. 

I've learned this lesson the hard way- both with my marriage and my garden. Perhaps this lesson applies to all good things in life; that good things need the work put in while they're still beautiful.

20 Seconds Of Courage

Yesterday I cut Isaiah's hair.

No, I mean like really cut it.

He's had long hair since it grew in as a baby and it was a part of his vibe, you know? It was curly and long and wild and crazy and it just fit his bigger-than-life personality. (When you're the youngest of 4 boys, you've gotta learn to hold your own, after all.)

My middle two boys had long curly hair too but I gave them both a short haircut earlier on when they were two, before the style was able to solidify along with their personalities. Because I waited so long with Isaiah, I thought I'd never work up the courage to actually cut it. I mean, he's my last baby. His hair is so soft and snuggly. And I knew that once I cut it, it would be more than just a drastic physical change- it would, in a way, signify the closing of a pretty long and intense chapter of my life: being a mom of littles. 

Because even though kids and moms don't change in a day or because of a silly haircut, we are affected by these small and seemingly insignificant changes. Visually, he looks so different! I took him to the store afterward to pick out a special treat, and watching him hop out of the van and walk by my side into the store, he looked older. He seemed older. Kissing him at night while he slept was different- no more thick curls to brush behind his ear, no more nuzzling my nose into his soft tufts and breathing in the smell of his shampoo. And he looks just like his brother Gabe now, and a little less like the "him" that we've known for so long. When he looked at his reflection for the first time he laughed and said, "I'm Gabe!".

At the end of the day it's just a haircut, and life goes on. To some people these things aren't a big deal. But to me they are. I knew that when the day came that he would get his Big Boy Haircut it would have to be a spur of the moment thing so I wouldn't have time to ruminate on it. I'd just need twenty seconds of courage to begin. 

Yesterday I looked at his long, messy hair and knew that I was brave enough to cut it right then. I asked Dave what he thought and he agreed. So I said I was getting my hair tools out immediately because if I waited I might change my mind. I asked Dave to get his camera out. I pulled Isaiah up on the chair and put a cape around his neck. Heart pounding, I reached into my hair tool box and pulled out my clippers and attached the #2 guard. I took a deep breath in and breathed out slowly, pursing my lips, and grabbed my comb. I knew that once I ran the first pass up the back of his head I'd be ok, because there was no going back after that. 

I cleared my mind of any thoughts or emotions and without hesitating I quickly ran the clippers up the back.

DONE.

The rest of the haircut Dave and I laughed and sputtered and marveled at his changing looks. I ran some forming cream through his hair and, as you can see above, he now has a beautiful Big Boy Haircut that accentuates his big blue eyes. It's funny how cutting a boy's hair short for the first time makes their face seem so much bigger and their head so much smaller. Hah!

Now, onward to the next chapter, the next adventure, the next season.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."

WE BOUGHT A ZOO

Pandemics and Pictures

Heyyyyyyyyy Blogger.com!!! Long time no see!

Man. 

I want you to know I still think of you often, trusty old blog. I will never forget you, or delete you, because there are so many memories here. Some of the best times of my life are documented in these virtual pages. But life is changing at such a fast pace, and it saddens me. My kids are getting bigger. Yay, and boo. Life is crazy. It's busy, and slow. It's chaotic, and monotonous. It's what I always dreamed of, and still disappointing at times. I'm grateful, and wracked with guilt. Not always all these things, but sometimes. I find myself, once in awhile, pining for simpler days. Days when social media didn't take over lives. Days when I enjoyed the simplicity of making a home instead of feeling like a prisoner who can't escape the weighted chains. Dramatic? Absolutely. *Sigh*. 

But I'm not here to lament. We're currently in the middle of a pandemic. Covid-19. I guess that's why I'm here, writing this today. Because it's been hard not doing as much, not seeing people as much... it's been hard on my heart. I so long for adventure and fun. I want to go places and see things and people! I just happened to be wracking my brain today, thinking about what the heck I could possibly do to make things a little more fun around here, and you came into my mind, blog! 

I have to say, I miss the old blogging days. Before it was about businesses, or making money. Back when it was just about expression, and memory-keeping. I really, really miss that. So, that's what I'm here for. No business, just fun. 

Now for a butt-load of pictures!

Walking with the boys on the bridge. 

I laughed so hard when I saw them like this. They all have their own bed but still end up cramming into a twin. Also, Gabe has a blanket-on-head security thing. It's adorable and hilarious!

Grandma's 80th birthday!

Post hot bridge walk ice cream. Check out those flushed cheeks!

The girls, minus Bri & Danike.

The sun was in Isaiah's eyes, so I told him to cover his eyes with his blanket. He rode like this for about 30 minutes. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Nic, me and Alannah. 

The famous blanket roll.

4th of July. Dave always comes through with the loud ones!

Read this book in one day. Soooo good. 

Watching Dave face-cradle Isaiah on the camera. Melts my heart!

Well, this was a fun date night but you can always tell when Dave "isn't having it" with picture time. 

Another face cradle. <3

Oh hey, peepers! "Mama-see-you-on-cam-ah?"

Floating head baby.

Fat lip baby. So sad.

Coconut chia pudding because this is my blog and I post what I want.

Big Buddy snuggles.

My Grandma Carol (dad's mom), who passed away this summer. This is her holding my dad. So precious. Isn't he the cutest little boy??

Dave put a tire swing in our yard! Our swing set only has three swings, and with four boys creates a lot of problems. So he put up the tire swing so they can fight over that instead. 

This is Dave's wedding ring with a straw curled up inside it, holding up a butter knife. I need to do a blog post of all the weird things Dave has done with his wedding ring, and all the weird places he's left it/ lost it. Teaser: I've found it in the pepper grinder in the cupboard, and one time it fell out of the oatmeal tub when I was pouring the boys breakfast. Oh the adventures this ring has had!

Blanket roll strikes again.

Tire swing views.

Wee strawberry. 

10 year dating anniversary date night! 

Taking photos of Grandma and Herman. 

Corn salad. Again, my blog, my rules.

Smiling while wearing a face mask makes all the difference!

This animal-loving boy found a turtle and well, it's been the highlight of his summer!

Last day of school, and of all Elementary for Z!

This is apparently how I prepare my mouth to smile for a picture. :D

Blanket roll strikes again.

Reading while the boys play in our beautiful yard!

#BRSA.

<3 <3 <3

Lindsay

Just For Fun

On Today's Menu:

Me: Smoothie for breakfast, Salad with chicken, beets and goat cheese for lunch, bbq chicken with cole slaw and zucchini for dinner.

Kids: smoothie for breakfast, provolone grilled cheese for lunch, same dinner as me. Cheerios (gluten free) and bananas for a snack.

Wellness Tip of the Week:

Do one thing each day to recharge your tank, whatever that might be.

I used to think that because the kids stress me out that I needed to de-stress by taking a bath, or meditating or having quiet time. Now that I know myself a little better (see previous post) I realize why that rarely worked for me. I recharge by doing something FUN! I've been dancing more and venturing outside of Lowell (with kids in tow) with zero agenda and just kind of end up somewhere doing something and loving the spontaneity of it all. 

Beauty Tip of the Week:

Make your own facial toner!

I had been paying $40 for a natural facial toner from a local company. It really is amazing but after looking at the ingredients I realized I could make the exact same thing at home. You want to know what the ingredients were? Water, organic ACV (apple cider vinegar), and lemongrass oil. Come on people. I started making my own and for awhile just used water and ACV with a little lavender oil, but this is the recipe I use now. You can get aloe vera juice at the health food store. The brand I get is called Lily of the Desert and I get the inner fillet, not whole leaf. 

If you don't use a toner, you should try it. It helps even out your skin and primes it for moisturizer. My skin feels so much better since using it!

Book I'm Reading:

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

If you haven't ever read it I highly recommend! I read it all the way through about once every five years, and it always hits me differently and is always life changing in some way.

Podcasts I'm Loving:

The Doctor's Farmacy

The Goal Digger Podcast

Mosaic Podcast

Quote I'm Loving:

"Breathe it all in, love it all out." -Mary Oliver

Just for Joy:

I have a chalkboard menu board in my kitchen that I'm using to write down one thing I'll do each day simply for pleasure. Today's is "take meyers-briggs test and watch a cozy movie". Ok that's two things. ;) And the simple act of intentionally planning it and writing it on my board is perhaps my favorite part about it. 

Have a great Thursday!

Lindsay

Enneagram Type 7: The Enthusiast

I've recently become fascinated with the enneagram.



I know I'm late to the boat, but better late than never, right? It really is so fascinating. I've taken the test before but it wasn't the official one, it was a free one that I never felt was quite accurate. So finally I just paid the $12 and took the legit test, and my result was a 7: The Enthusiast.



Type 7's are typically outgoing and love experiences that are fun and give them a sense of adventure. They're usually optimistic and look at people and situations from a positive perspective and try to avoid pain or negative feelings. They're known for being spontaneous and impulsive, and this just made me think of YOLO (you only live once). Curiosity drives us to experience new things, and we don't do well with boredom. Actually, I've always told people it's difficult for me to actually get bored because I can make fun no matter where I am or what I'm doing, even if it's just in my head. On the flip side, 7's struggle to be disciplined because they don't want to experience the negative feeling of doing something they don't want to do (guilty)- however a healthy 7 will maintain a balance by doing the things they need to do then balancing out that discipline with something fun. Type 7's also struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out). For me, this plays out in the talent field. I love creating things and working with my hands, so I've tried and developed many different skill sets including hairstyling, photography, writing, and macrame to name a few. Basically I don't want to be stuck doing one thing forever because I might miss out on all the other fun things I could do!



If you have taken the test, I'm guessing you might have had a similar experience, but this is how it went for me: the more I read it, the wider my eyes got, I laughed, I cried, and well I felt like I finally understood myself. In fact I really haven't stopped thinking about it since I took it a week ago! I know that sounds dramatic, but hear me out.



For years I have lived my life trying to please other people and believing things about me that were unhelpful. For example, I've told myself many times that I have ADD and that's why I have trouble focusing and why I seem to always need mental stimulation. I'm "scattered" because I hop from interest to interest, "thing to thing", and I'm "undisciplined". I don't like going out all the time because that's not what Dave wants and I want to make him happy (he's an introverted type 4).



Reading about my type was so freeing to me! Now I'm seeing all these things in a positive light, that this is how my personality is, it's totally ok and even awesome, and here's where I struggle and how I can grow. How interesting!



This explains exactly why I hate making plans (really, really despise it actually), and feel trapped so easily. I always want to leave my options open and am wary of making the wrong choice lest I miss a better opportunity. This is why I have so many talents and have worked in different careers. I used to look at it as being scattered and indecisive, and now I realize that I simply just want to experience it all! I want to experience everything life has to offer and want to chase all my interests. Yes I love doing hair, but if it keeps me from dancing or music or photography or WHATEVER ELSE I MIGHT WANT TO DO, well I'll start to despise it. It's so freeing to hear that this is normal and in fact many other people are like this too!



Now I know there are healthy levels and unhealthy levels and I believe I am a healthy 7, though I definitely have not always been. The enneagram tells you where your number can be strong and where you can be weak, and how to grow- that has been eye opening for me!



So here's a funny story- when I was 18 I worked in a cubicle in an insurance call center (think Julie and Julia), and ended up getting fired. They told me I wasn't a good fit but didn't elaborate. I was so young and inexperienced and, quite frankly, unprofessional, but I didn't realize it at the time. In hindsight, I think it might have had something to do with my painting my toenails during a call. I mean the customer couldn't see me and would never know, but come on. Who do you know who works in an office cubicle who paints their toes at work?! That's just crazy. Obviously I would never do something like that now, but that was just the beginning of me realizing I needed a job with a lot of creativity, freedom and variety (I started Cosmetology school laster that year, lol). I needed work to feel like an adventure, otherwise I felt trapped. That's why I've always loved working with people... because what is more fun than people?



So since I've found this out and read how I can grow, it's been really interesting to actually embrace my personality. Or at the very least to look at myself, my thoughts and impulses, and say "Yes, this is expected, this is WHO you are, and this is the best way to move forward" instead of looking at myself from a negative perspective. I've been more conscious of not acting impulsively and thinking through things more before I take action. I've allowed myself to do the fun things that I feel like doing, like taking the kids for an outing in downtown GR instead of Lowell because it's just more adventurous! I even rode the boys' scooter around the driveway tonight and, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I kicked an empty water bottle around the yard (remember 'kick the can'?) and LOVED it. Isn't that so weird? I know it is, but I totally don't care because it made me happy, and the boys loved it too. I actually think I liked it more than they did. It's weird but amazing how knowing my personality on a deeper level has completely changed my perspective on how I interface with life in general, all in good ways. I love it!



Anyway- if you've never taken the enneagram test I highly recommend it. You just might realize something about yourself that you never would have otherwise!